What Is Deserved
by waiting4amadmanwithabox
Summary: Severus finally gives himself what he feels is deserved. Warnings: Angst, character death, suicide.


**Title: What is Deserved**

**Author: Waiting4amadmanwithabox**

**Summary: Severus Snape finally takes what he believes he deserves. **

**Warnings: Suicide, Character Death, angst.**

The wind was howling creepily as Severus Snape apparated away from his _Master's _ side. 17 years of this spying, this _torture_ for the Headmaster. He had done it as reparation, as penance for his part in Lily's demise. For so long it had been successful, he had brought back crucial pieces of information for years, after each meeting, information that had saved lives. But over the past 6 months, the information grew less, and less, till this evening. He would report back to Albus with nothing. Absolutely nothing. In his heart he knew that it was only a matter of weeks to a few months before Voldemort recognized who the spy was. He could no longer deliver anything of value, so therefore, he was of no use.

Hogwarts did not need its Potions Master. He knew that. He was a horrible teacher, and in truth, the only reason he taught was so he had an excuse to be so close to Dumbledore. The Dark Lord would accept no other reason. Albus kept him near, because he needed his spy, and the Dark Lord for the same reason. But he was of no expenditure anymore, had no information for either side, and so he realized he had no purpose. Better to rid both sides of him, so that he was no longer in the way, terrifying mindless cretins with no hope of ever comprehending Potions.

He always despised suicides. Somehow, they seemed so _weak_, so cowardly as to not push on through this seemingly endless toil. Yet he could not bring himself to see himself in them. After all, he was doing this to rid the world of an useless murderer, a disgusting creature. Few would mourn his death, and those that did would be better off without him. But he would not do the easy thing. That was yet another part of suicide he detested, how easy it was. A vial of poison, and slipping into eternal sleep. No, he would take "the coward's way out," but he would not do it easily.

Stalking over to his heavily warded supplies cupboard (the one that housed the ingredients for the Potions the Dark Lord requested), he pulled out a knife. This knife was, as most Dark Artifacts, cursed. Charmed to cause immense, unbearable pain to whomever it cut; it acted as a vampire would; slowly seeping all the blood from the person, drawing out an already agonizing death. Yes, this was a 'suitable' way to go. He deserved it, as he was sure any of his hundreds of victims would agree and attest to. He had murdered enough people in slow and painful fashions; that it would not be fitting for him to die painlessly. Slowly he raised the knife, and even slower, pushed it into his chest. It would already cause pain, but the more, the better. It was his last act of redeeming, of punishing himself, for the crimes he had committed, and for murdering Lily.

Lying on the floor, feeling his blood slowly being sucked out, he realized something. Damn, bloody damn! Potter, thrice-accursed brat that he was, had an Occlumency lesson tonight. A year after the last fatal lesson, Albus had ordered him to resume the tutoring, and he had reluctantly complied. The only issue was that Potter was due any minute, and Severus would so have preferred to die alone. It was the last piece of justice to his already damned soul.

Slowly, the door creaked open. A tousled, messy mop of a head poked its way in. "Professor, I'm here for my- PROFESSOR!" He shrieked the last bit. "Oh my god, Professor, stay there, I'm getting Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore!" He tore out, and Snape tried to refrain from rolling his eyes. _Stay there! _It wasn't like he was going anywhere! Figures he couldn't get his last wish.

_ (Change of POV from Snape to Harry)_

Harry ran at top speed down the hall. Not even the barked "No running in the halls, Mr. Potter!" from his Head of House slowed him down.

"Gum drops" he gasped as he ran at the gargoyles guarding the Headmaster's office. He tore into the office after taking the stairs two at a time. "Snape, office, knife, getting Pomfrey!" he choked out, before tearing back out and towards the Hospital Wing. Speeding in, he gasped the same thing, turned, and ran back to the Potions Master's office.

_(Back to Severus's POV)_

He could barely breathe, and recognized that it was only a matter of minutes before he _finally_ died. Of course, about two minutes after Potter had torn out in a flurry, the Headmaster rushed in, the infernal twinkle in his eyes missing. Albus was just kneeling down next to him when Potter tore back in.

"Oh Severus, _why_?" Albus's eyes had tears in them.

"No…more…information." Severus gasped out. "I deserve it."

"My boy, you do not deserve this!" The Headmaster said forcefully. "Poppy will be here in a moment, and she'll get you right as rain."  
"Not possible." Severus rasped. "_Dagger of infinita tormentum_, you…can't…save me."

A tear rolled down Dumbledore's cheek. "Of all the things, why, Severus, _why_ that? A tool to grant you an unimaginably painful death? _Why_?"

"I deserve it." He whispered again. "I failed you, as your spy, and I killed-" He paused to gasp. "I killed Lily." Harry made a slight choking noise behind him, but it was ignored.

"My boy, you did not kill her! You could not have known! And you swore to help her son! Are you abandoning your duty now?"

Severus's breathing was more labored than before. "Potter is a man now, only a few short weeks from seventeen, he can manage."

Albus shifted slightly to allow Madame Pomfrey through to scan the dying man. She shook her head sadly, and another tear rolled down the Headmaster's face. "Why now Severus?" He said sadly, recognizing he could nothing more than to say goodbye.

"I have no purpose now Headmaster."

"Is that truly what you believe, my boy? You've been so much more to me than my spy. I meant to tell you!"

"I do not warrant your affections, Albus." The man smiled through his tears. Even on his deathbed, the man was still snarking, and using 'higher vocabulary.'

"My boy, you've done so much more than to merely _warrant_ them! I don't know what I'll do without you."

"You'll find another spy, Headmaster." His tone was sharp.

"Not a spy, Severus. What will I do without the person in my office every evening complaining about mindless cretins, and idiotic Gryffindors? Without the one who amuses me every day with sheer intellectual sarcastic wit? Without the one to turn to with questions on Potions and Dark Arts? Who will remind me that the Slytherins are students as well? What will I do without _my friend?_" His voice broke on the last two words.

"You'll survive, you have Minerva." Severus wheezed. His breathing was so shallow that Albus could barely hear him.

"Forgive me Albus." He whispered, and took one last, long shuddering breath, before his eyes closed. Albus stared at his face for one long moment, and then slowly bowed his head.

"It already happened years ago, my friend. Sleep in peace."

**A/N: This was just a little angst I wrote when I realized my other stories focused (mostly) on Harry, and i just wanted to write a short tribute to my favorite character!**

**Read and Review if you can, I always love ****_constructive_**** criticism. Flamers will be read, laughed at, and then (unless the flame is really amusing) deleted! You will be deleted! (5 stars to whoever read that in a Cyberman voice!)**


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